"'Now there is the history of that burglar alarm—everything just as it happened; nothing extenuated, and naught set down in malice. Yes, sir; and when I had slept nine years with burglars, and maintained an expensive burglar alarm the whole time, for their protection, not mine, and at my sole cost—for not a d——d cent could I ever get them to contribute—I just said to Mrs. McWilliams that I had had enough of that kind of pie; so with her full consent I took the whole thing out and traded it off for a dog, and shot the dog.'"Mr. McWilliams in Mark Twain, "The McWilliamses and the burgler alarm" (December 1882), Mark Twain: collected tales, sketches, speeches, & essays 1852-1890, Library of America 60 (New York, NY: The Library of America, 1992), 843 (837-843).
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